Wednesday Mourning

As a lesbian woman, today is a day of mourning.

Last year Andrea proposed in the most beautiful and meaningful way possible, making it the best day of my life.  The days following we discussed possible details for our special day. We looked at Pinterest for ideas to keep it inexpensive. We contacted a few catering companies and photographers to get pricing. We researched venues and their packages. Also while all of this is happening we are thinking about our future. We wanted to buy a home, save up to have a child – two very expensive things that are important to us.

After reevaluating our finances and what we wanted to achieve in our lives together we decided that maybe a courthouse wedding or eloping just the two of us was more our speed. It saved us the hassle of planning out all of the details, dealing with who to invite and where they will sit, and most importantly it would save us financially.

Just last month in Provincetown, Massachusetts, Roux held the world’s largest lesbian wedding on the grounds of their bed and breakfast. Andrea and I found out about the Bride Pride event just a few days before it was to take place, making it impossible for us to tie the knot this year. We researched everything, watched the broadcast of the event, and shared information about it via social media platforms. I contacted the ladies at Roux for more information about next year’s Bride Pride and thankfully they’re planning on hosting the wedding again in October 2017. We were ecstatic! We finally found the ideal wedding for us. It was inexpensive, we could open it up to people that were interested in attending, and we would be among other lesbian couples just like us sharing a very special day with one another all while making history. We happily told friends and family about our plans and they shared their excitement for us since many have been waiting for us to finally tie the knot.

Last night we watched the election with panic, anxiety, and gut wrenching stomach pains. In defeat I went to bed early. Andrea climbed into bed with me and asked me when I’d like to get married and it brought tears to my eyes.

Marriage is the unity of two people, a beautiful day full of love and happiness. While I’m ecstatic that I finally found the one and I am over the moon in love with her I am also met with sadness. Andrea and I had finally figured out exactly what we wanted in our wedding. But now we have to change it all. Not because we can’t afford it. Not because the venue wasn’t hosting it next year. Not because of anything except for this election. And that statement alone makes me sick to my stomach.

The LBGTQ community has fought for years for equal rights and now all of that could potentially be stripped away. We are no longer the melting pot America that we once were. We are a nation divided by hate, anger, and violence. Putting human people into categories of the worthy and unworthy, the good and bad, and the right and wrong. While we don’t know what could happen, what legislation could rear its face against us, it’s a chance that Andrea and I are not willing to take.

I cannot wait to make Andrea my wife! She embodies lifelong happiness and love to me. She is my morning, noon, and night. She is the dreams I had been dreaming of my entire life. She has shown me love like I never knew existed in this world. Love like I never thought I’d feel. She knows me at my best and at my worst. When I look into her eyes I see us living life, raising a family, and growing old aside one another. She is everything to me. Instead of having the wedding that we hoped for, the wedding that we planned on, the wedding that we couldn’t wait for, we are now faced with the wedding that we have to have and it’s all so bittersweet.

©Megan Matos, November 2016
Header image downloaded from


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Sadhna Shanker says:

    nice post. Hope you have the wedding you hope for.


    1. matosm32 says:

      Thank you! 😊


  2. A says:

    I love you ❤️


    1. matosm32 says:

      I love you too ❤️ forever and always


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