Today is a day of love
Loving yourself and loving who you want
Friends and family loving you for who you are
Lovers no longer hiding behind ambiguity.
My experience coming out was met with emotions, questions, and a breath of fresh air. I saw myself as a whole and complete person for the first time in my life. I no longer had questions in my mind about the feelings that I tried suppressing for years.
Months before my coming out I experienced Philadelphia’s Outfest for the first time and it was invigorating, uplifting, and full of love. At this point in my life I was single and still very much in the closet. I never in my life felt so alive than I did walking the streets of Philadelphia with other people just like me, however, I wasn’t yet able to reveal the true me.
Years before while I was in college, I had come out to a close friend of mine. Telling her my feelings that I had never expressed out loud to another person. And while it was relieving to talk to someone I still wasn’t ready to completely leave the comfort of the closet, and looking back on it – that’s okay.
The day of my coming out I was in a beautiful new relationship with the woman of my dreams and I hated pulling her back into the closet.
It wasn’t fair to her.
It wasn’t fair to me.
I wanted to bring her around my friends and family.
Post selfies of our fun adventures.
And finally stop lying about why I smiled after reading a text from her. Because she wasn’t “just a friend of mine” she’s my everything.
I knew it was time when I realized that I loved her too much to keep her a secret.
Now, I am happily engaged, something I never thought would happen in a million years. We bought our first home together this year and plan on having a child in the near future (also something I never thought was in the cards for me). I am so lucky to have found her and even luckier that she loves me!
If I were to give advice to someone who is questioning their sexuality (even a little bit), I would recommend listening to your heart and your gut. You will find the right time and while it may be intimidating at first, just know that you eventually will reflect on that day and thank yourself for accepting and loving who you truly are. Do it for you!
©Megan Matos, October 2016
Header image downloaded from Pexels.com